As a family you may have taken the kids on overseas holidays together and the biggest risks you had to worry about were destination safety, cost blowouts and kids getting bored!
Now that you are separated, there are a few more risks to consider.
Your coparent says they want to take the kids overseas for a couple of weeks. You might think, that's ok we’ve taken the kids overseas before or you might think, if I agree they will let me take the kids overseas too in the future!
Before you agree, just think through the risks first;
Is your ex planning on taking the children to a country where their extended family live? Your ex may have parents who live overseas, and you may have visited them before, or your ex took the kids over to spend time with their family. Your ex may have been born overseas and was brought to Australia when they were very young. They may even have dual citizenship. In times of separation and divorce, a coparent can feel pulled to return to be with extended family so they can rebuild their lives and gain the support they need.
Some parents have found it hard to gain access to their children in Australia, let alone if they were taken to another country. If it has been difficult getting parenting time locally in Australia, this may be cause for concern as your coparent may not see you as a significant relationship in your children’s lives to be maintained.  A lack of trust may already trigger concerns for you that the coparent may take the children overseas and not bring them back.
Is the country they are wanting to take the children to part of the Hague convention list of countries? Countries that have signed up to the Hague convention have their governments work together to return abducted children or criminals. If it's not, it may be impossible to have your children returned to Australia. Check if the destination country is on the list here
Do you have consent or parenting orders in place? If you only have a parenting plan or verbal agreement for shared parenting it may be more difficult to get your children back. With consent or parenting orders in place, these are court orders for parenting arrangements in Australia which you can request recovery orders if your ex takes the children overseas or interstate to live without your consent. Recovery orders enable police to locate and return the children to ensure the existing consent or parenting orders are adhered to. Find out more hereÂ
If your child needs a passport for overseas travel but you or your coparent refuses to sign the passport application or want to prevent a child being taken out of Australia without consent, there are steps to take here. Parents often sign passports so that they can both enjoy taking the kids overseas. Ensure that your consent orders or parenting orders include how long children can go overseas for, what information is required, what is the notice period required, whether it is ONLY Hague convention countries they can travel to, who will keep hold of the passports when not in use, etc
If you doubt your ex will bring the children back, you can request via a lawyer for a security bond of an agreed amount from your ex to be held by the lawyer. This amount needs to be substantial enough to ensure it is worth coming back to collect. This bond will then be reimbursed upon the safe return of the children.
If you are told they are going to a certain destination it is prudent to request a copy of the itinerary showing flight details, accommodation details, return dates and contact information. If you don’t, you may not know the whereabouts of your children in the world if they are not returned, making it more difficult to gain the help to get them back.
If your shared parenting time will be impacted, you may lose time with the children. You might like to negotiate make up time prior to agreeing on the trip so that you get that time back with your kids. This can also be something that is built into your parenting arrangements for both parents to have make up time when time spent with the children is impacted in the future. This might be a day, a few days, a week or weeks. It is important to have some flexibility without being too rigid in claiming down to the level of hours or minutes. Â Â
Some people may think that it will never happen to them, their coparenting relationship is good, they get along well, concluding my ex wouldn’t do that! They may be right, but it is a good idea to assess the risks and put contingencies in place.
Initiating mediation enables you to negotiate interstate and overseas travel agreements into a parenting plan which can then be turned into consent orders so you can act quickly to seek a recovery order if required. If you are both in agreement you can just have your existing consent orders updated and submitted to court by a lawyer.
Mediation & consent orders can cost less than a family overseas trip and definitely less than legal and court fees to attempt to get children returned without existing orders.
Learn more about mediation here
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Author – Cheryl Duffy, Divorce & Conflict Coach, Family Dispute resolution Practitioner, NMAS Mediator and Parenting Coordinator